Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Kiss my ass Ariel, you red headed merhussy!!!!

For Thanksgiving this year we headed to Los Angeles and Las Vegas for a week with our west coast family. They were so excited to see us. They've also made it a tradition that when we come to visit they take the girls to Disneyland. Nice tradition, huh?!!!

We've been very fortunate to have several Disney employees in the family. And if you're unaware, Disney is AWESOME about free family passes to the park-like 90% of the calendar year. Which means that luckily, we've gone several times over the past 4 years. But this time (above any other) was the most anticipated by our little Bella. She was so very, very excited that she hardly slept the night before because she was planning her entire day at the park. In fact, she woke up at FIVE AM ready to go.

Her first stop was the Finding Nemo ride (her favorite). For all of us older folks, the Finding Nemo ride is the improved version of the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride. It was a total hit, which made up for the 45 minute wait. Mia loved it. She shrieked every time she saw a fish (animated or not).

But can I just say, waiting in line with an 18 month old TOTALLY SUCKS! Mia did not understand the concept of waiting, walking, waiting, then walking some more. She did this all day long and OH how I hate noodle legs!

She also thought it was funny to cross over into the other lines, which pissed off everyone around us. But Bella? Bella took the wait like a champ!

The second hit of the day was the It's a Small World ride which was finally reopened! And it did not disappoint! In fact, it was all decked out for Christmas/Holidays around the world. Mia kept oohing and ahhing the whole time. I think she could have spent the whole day chillaxin' in one of those boats!

Theme parks with kids just isn't the same as it is when you're 13 and with a group of friends. I remember hitting up every ride a couple times over. Throw two toddlers into the mix and you get to experience three, maybe four rides the whole day! I felt like we had to stop every 15 minutes. Pee break. Snack time. Diaper change. Meltdown. Now I know why parents stay at the Disney hotels and make a week of it. After a few more kiddie rides, we headed over to the Princess tent. And that's where the shit went down!

Okay, here's the deal, from the beginning Eugene and I have been very careful about introducing our girls to the whole princess mentality. In general, we want our girls to be strong, independent individuals--not ones who define their happiness through the presence of a man, err I mean prince. Sorry Sleeping Beauty, but napping through your lonely life until a man finally kisses you is freakin' pathetic. But, no matter how hard we tried to fight it----they crept in. From birthday gifts to christmas presents to toothbrushes, one day I looked around and found that I was surrounded by big hair and ball gowns. We gave up. Don't get me wrong, we don't encourage it but we don't discourage it either. Which leads us to the Princess Tent.

The Princess Tent is an attraction at Disneyland, where (if you have the patience to wait long enough--a minimum of 90 minutes) your child can get a picture with three princesses. Three. In case you were wondering there's like 8 pretty, pretty princesses. So, basically it's a crapshoot as to who you're going to get. But you see, there is a definite ranking order when it comes to the princesses. Top of the list? Cinderella, of course. Second? Little Mermaid. Third runner up? Belle. Fourth would be Jasmine, only because of her glittery outfit and not because Bella has ever even seen the movie Aladdin. And somewhere on the bottom of Bella's princess food chain is Snow White.

While we waited in line, I caught Bella saying to her Lola, "I want to meet Cinderella and Little Mermaid and Belle" with almost a maniacal twinge in her voice. I quickly started into my "you get what you get" routine which I find myself performing at least three times daily nowadays. Bella, half heartedly agreed with me, you get what you get. In fact, one of the princess tent cast members (Disney employee) overheard Bella panting over Cinderella and informed us that the princesses are at random--and that any three of the 8 princesses will be available. Too distracted by his ridiculous court jester costume, I completely ignored the foreshadowing that was coming out of his mouth.

After frantically finger licking Mia's bangs in place, I suddenly realized that I was a total sellout. Here I was, buying into all the hype. I was actually excited! Being next in line, I tried my best to peek around the corner to see who was there. Darn, I couldn't see. Just then the court jester walked us over to meet........Jasmine!

This was totally acceptable in Bella's Princess book. Jasmine! Cool hair and sparkly jewelry. Notice how the girls are looking at another Disney court jester taking ridiculously expensive pictures (of which we will totally not buy) instead of looking at their MOTHER who is screaming "over here! Bella! Mia! Jasmine!" At least Jasmine listened to me.

After our little photo-op with Jasmine, Bella could hardly contain herself as we were lead to.......BELLE!!!! TOTAL SCORE!!!! She even kneeled down for a better picture.

Bella was beaming with excitement! On the other hand, if you look closely, you can see Mia reaching for her belly button (which is hilarious because it's what she does for comfort). I don't blame her--totally embarassed by her mom who's jumping up and down squeeling like a banshee she's trying to "find a happy place."

After I took about 30 consecutive shots with Belle, we were lead over to......are you ready for this? ARIEL!!!!! THE LITTLE MERMAID!!!!! Holy shit, I've never seen Bella so excited. She jumped up and down. I mean, literally, up and down. She reacted like one of those Beatles girls from the 70's--she was that excited. I too caught the excitement bug. I mean there she is, so sweet and pretty with her long flowy red hair and her legs. Oh look-she has legs. Her wish came true, she's up here, where people walk, up where we run, up where we stay all day in the sun. OH MY GOD, ARIEL IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! CAN THIS REALLY BE HAPPENING? We noticed that there was quite the crowd gathered around Miss Ariel. And so we gladly waited our turn, watching with big eyes as a 12 month old (who could barely walk) googled at her pretty teeth a little longer than normal. Than we watched with big eyes as this older couple (like in their 40's-are you kidding me?) wanted to take a picture with her. Than it was our turn and we watched with big eyes as suddenly Ariel got up and somebody else was coming to take her spot. Oh. My. God. My blood started to boil. No way. No freakin way this was going to happen. Not now. I took one look at her replacement and knew what I had to do. I yelled and I mean, yelled. ARIEL! ARIEL! HEY YOU- LITTLE MERMAID- GET BACK HERE! Realizing that anger will get me no where in the happiest place on earth, I switched up my game. I became desperate. In a much kinder, gentler voice, I hollared, Ariel, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, JUST ONE MORE PICTURE, ONE MORE, JUST ONE, IT'LL ONLY TAKE A SECOND. And do you know what she had the nerve to do? Look me in the eyes and give me one of those pageant waves. A PAGEANT WAVE! CAN YOU EFFIN' BELIEVE IT? Almost in sobs, I look back at the scene and there's Mia, wisely massaging her belly button and Bella (who you know is totally on the verge too) and then there's Mulan. That's right, M-U-L-A-N. Mulan. WTF! Are you even a real princess? I mean, come on, MULAN? She's not even in Bella's princess food chain. She's like the plankton of the princess chain. No. Even worse she's the zooplankton who feed on the plankton of the princess food chain.

You get what you get.

Realizing that I made this poor, starving actress feel worthless and inferior, I apologized and told the girls (pretty unenthusiastically) to smile for the camera.

Too sad to look at the camera, Bella stared in the spot where Ariel once stood. Hoping, wishing, that she may just flutter around the corner once more. But no, Ariel never came back.

We made the best of our night at Disneyland, despite that little biatch from under the sea. We marveled at how cool It's A Small World looked at night.

While Mia slept, Bella smiled for a pic with her Auntie Nina

and her devoted Lola

and after being up for 14 hours straight with no nap, Bella's little body collapsed before we even got to the car. Until next time Disneyland, until next time!


  1. Great story.

    LMAO that you didn't want the princess that probably most embodies what you want your girls to be (strong and independent). But I understand when it's your kid's favorite. Brobee isn't my favorite Yo Gabba Gabba character either. I think Jasmine is pretty independent. Actually, they've gotten a lot more that way over the years. I always liked that Belle was smart.

    All the pics are beautiful and as they get older, you never know, Mulan might become the most cherished one.

    p.s. Carter also puts his finger in his belly button. All. The. Time.

  2. buriednova, I was thinking the same thing!

    Then again, I used to actively hawk Spice Girls toys (in defiance of Disney & Barbie) back in the 90's when I had a Toys R Us job. At least they're actual women, and that redheaded one had a rockin, real-woman bod.

    I also always liked Belle -- smart yes! Also hardworking and pointedly *not* hung up on appearances. Kinda the point of the story...

    Disney is evil. Yeah, I said it.

  3. Gina, this may be my favorite post of all time. While I don't actively hate the movies of Disney - the princess culture thing is horrific. But you just have to counteract that with stories of women who don't lay around and wait for price charming! For goodness sake, I LIVED for Holly Hobby when I was a little girl, and that wench only wanted to cook for and wear her bonnet so low that you couldn't see her eyes. (What WAS she hiding?).

    But I do have to point out one coolness factor of Mulan: She's the only princess who had a sword, and knew how to use it.


  4. Heidi, Misty and Tanya-

    Yes friends, I know I should have been more empathetic towards Mulan, but frankly I know nothing of her story. Clearly, she's the one Bella should be looking up to.

    Heidi- We seem to be the only ones who haven't caught on to Yo Gabba Gabba. What channel is it on?

    Misty- God love you. The 90's wasn't that long ago yet you "hawked" dolls. That's so cute.

    Tanya-Holly Hobby rocked. She rocked for a long time. Until that awful awful night when my brother put the eye patch on her and scared the living shit out of me. Do you remember that story? Uggh. The pain. I think I'm starting to twitch. Must go. Now.

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  7. This magical place looks even better during the holiday season!



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