That's not my daughter

I'm usually impressed when I hear the ideas and thoughts that come out of Bella's mouth. But nothing prepared me for this.

When I take the girls to the gym I have a system in place. I make sure Mia's diaper is totally fresh before we go in and drop her off in the "safari playground." I then take Bella with me to the locker room so that she can go to the bathroom before I begin my workout. There is nothing more annoying than having to stop in the middle of exercising for a potty break. Which is why I take these extra steps, so that the majority of the time it's an uninterrupted session. After getting everything situated with my locker I took Bella into the bathroom. She likes to talk while she pees. All the time. So it came as no surprise when she started gabbing, "mommy, you know what I like to do at home?" "No, Bella, what do you like to do at home" I responded. "I like to open my vagina when I'm at home." I was stunned. My face showed it. She misread my reaction and assumed I couldn't hear her. "No really, when I'm at home I like to open up my vagina A LOT." The muffled sound of women's conversation beyond the bathroom stall came to a halt. It was silent. Embarassingly silent. As quietly as I could I whispered, "we can talk about this when we get home Bella." She did not approve of my response and LOUDLY retorted "but mmmmooommm, I really like to open up my vvvaaaaaggina!" I stood there praying that she had to go #2 which could at least buy us some time until everyone was gone, but of course not, not with my luck. Avoiding eye contact, we left the stall and began to wash our hands. And of course she chose this time as the time to sing the hand washing song she learned in school and that lasts OVER A MINUTE to ensure proper cleanliness. Do you know how long a minute can be when you're completely mortified and stuck staring at the back of your child's head while they OBSESSIVELY wash their hands after announcing to the world that they diddle at home?

IT'S A LONG TIME!

And then she had to get the paper towels down herself. Except she dropped some in the garbage so she had to get some more. Hurry, for the love of God Bella, hurry. And then she had to make sure her hands were REALLY dry because just hours before, her assuming mother informed her that her red and itchy hands were because she didn't wipe properly. And once again, still mortified, I stood there staring at the back of her head.

We ran out of the bathroom as fast as we could--without even looking back.

I'm sure our pre-bed talk time will be quite a hoot tonight. Vagina monologues, anyone?!

Now spit!

Starting the Valentines week out by taking the girls to the dentist seemed a little bit counterproductive seeing as EVERYWHERE I turned I was surrounded by a light pink M&M, or a hot pink Hershey Kiss, or a cherry red sucker.....I mean the candy was everywhere. And believe me, they weren't purchased for our delight....it was for the SEVERAL Valentine parties that our kids attended last week.

But, the dentist? The dentist was AWESOME. I am so ashamed to admit that this was Bella's first dental visit. Mainly because I didn't want to get vested in a dentist in California since we moved shortly after it was the "right" time for her. No, my guilt is because I have been meaning to find a good pediatric dentist for the past YEAR. Yeah, I'm working on that whole "to-do" thing. Anyway, it is rare that I walk out of a medical establishment thoroughly impressed with the service. No, I usually find something to complain about, like we were rushed, or they didn't listen, or they were rude to their patients over the phone, or the office was outdated or the wait was too long. Yeah, I can be pretty picky when it comes to the medical attention that I demand for my family. But this dentist was AWESOME. For instance, the lobby was kickass. In fact, I'm contemplating sneaking the girls in there tomorrow just to play for an hour or two, think they'd mind? Then the staff, oh the patient and funny and gentle staff. Each employee was nicer than the next and I found it so refreshing.

Their patience and strength was put to the test as Mia proved to be quite the fighter when they made her lay down and open wide. It was the good ol' surgical glove balloon trick that made her smile at least long enough for them to clean and attempt a floss on her grill. They mentioned that Mia has a "slight" overbite and may need orthodontics in the future. Slight? Are you kidding me? Yes, I am well aware that at some point in the future our little Mia will be a braceface. He was able to determine this even though she has baby teeth because apparently the adult teeth grow in the same pattern. Sorry bout' that one Mia. We'll be sure to match your rubber bands with your outfits!



Bella, on the other hand, was a dentist's dream patient. No nonsense.





She had a great report card, except for a teeny, weeny spot that they're not exactly sure what it is but they'll be sure to check on in 6 months. It was enough for the hygeniest to inform me to stay away from candies, sweets, juices and fruit snacks. I didn't even hear the last part before I righteously interrupted and quipped "oh, my kids NEVER have juice." Which is true, we're a water and milk kinda household. But as I listened to myself drone on about the anti-juice it occurred to me what he said. Stopping mid-sentence I muttered "did you say fruit snacks" as in the Welch's REAL fruit snacks made with real juice, from real fruit, that hang from real trees and yeah, okay, you got me, maybe on occasion the delightfully licensed Wonder Pets fruit snacks, and very seldomly the limited edition Princess and the Frog fruit snacks. Those? Really?

Cuz I hand out fruit snacks daily. Oops. I know you're cringing right now Sarah! I'm a stickler about some things, but never in regards to fruit snacks. I'm not exactly sure why. I guess I always figured they're healthier for my kid than candy but taste better than carrots. WRONG. Fruit snacks=candy. So I pulled the really annoying mom trick and kindly asked the hygeniest to repeat it again loud enough so that Bella could hear. He was probably thinking look lady, you can discipline your own child while I was most definitely thinking you have no idea the power of a credible source when it comes to a 4 year old.

The best part? The prizes! They got to pick prizes from a bucket including new toothbrushes, new toothpaste, new toothbrush covers, and new floss. WHICH BY THE WAY I HAVE TO FLOSS BELLA'S TEETH EVERY NIGHT NOW. Fabulous--add another ten minutes to the already painfully long "night-night" routine. They also walked away with a cute little first time certificate with their picture plastered all over it. Oh and I almost forgot--the toothpaste that I was using for the girls wasn't strong enough for Bella but was too strong for Mia. So as I assisted Bella brushing her teeth tonight and saw that she swallowed some of the toothpaste, totally overreacting, I said "noooo Bella, don't swallow the flouride" which scared her and made her want to cough it up which made her dry heave which ultimately made her puke all over my sink. L.O.V.E.L.Y.

On a random sidenote, remember when we were kids and we'd watch a movie like Karate Kid and as soon as the credits rolled we were already standing on one leg ready to crane kick our brother in the face? Well, I got such a chuckle at lunch today when the girls were sitting at the table playing "dentist" that I had to grab the camera.



Yes, it's true, Mia attempted to clean and floss her teeth using a magnifying glass, eraser and orange washable marker. Now that's something worth smiling about.

5 days without Daddy

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the worst blogger of them all? I mean come on Gina, 7 days and no post? That's pretty lame. I can't help it, this pregnancy is putting me in a creative funk.

Shake it off, shake it off.

Let's see what's been going on in the past week over here. Well for one, my husband was in Hawaii for the week (how lucky, huh?) so I tried to keep the girls' schedule as busy as possible so that by 8 at night they're more than ready for bed.

After realizing that our craft drawer was totally pathetic with it's leftover streamers, non-working glue sticks and a couple of cotton balls we decided to replenish our goods. While shopping we stumbled upon window chalk/paint. Hmmm, painting the patio doors sounded like a good winter project right?

Well, it turned out that it was a perfect winter project.



Mia is turning into my little Picasso. She loves to paint, color and draw.



The glass paint was a hit...although it didn't always make it on the glass



Let's see what else.....we made some pretty cool candle holders out of assorted beans and glue (thanks for the idea Tessa and Sienna) for our Aunt Katrina's birthday.

It was a sticky situation, to say the least





We played dress up





We baked some Valentine cookies



Which, btw, do you know how hard it is to convince this little girl that you can't eat the dough! Very hard.



In fact when I had my back turned she even snuck an M&M out of a cooling cookie. Mama Mia!



And to really spice things up a bit, they ate their oatmeal breakfast in their room. It's amazing what a change of location can do to a toddler's morning attitude.



Let's see what else....oh, Bella heaved some precious cargo



And before we knew it, Eugene was home again. Yay! And after bombarding him with about a 3 hour run-down of everything we did this past week, we all slept together, all 4.25 of us.