I'm such a sucker for bathroom humor. I almost always revert into a 10 year old whenever I'm in a public bathroom stall and hear someone toot. I'm not kidding--instantaneous cackle! But believe me I don't throw stones---I'll laugh even harder if it's me who accidentally lets one loose.
So it should come as no surprise to you that my daughter Bella and I have a very open relationship when it comes to her bathroom routine. From the moment she began using the potty, she started to artistically interpret her #2's.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For example, one day it looked like a necklace. Or a banana. Or a family of marbles.
Or a sleepy hotdog (my favorite). Or the letter S.
But tonight. Yes, tonight will go down in the books.
ACT 1
SCENE 1
( A bathroom. Bella, a boisterous 4 year old sits
on the toilet, obviously in distress. Her mother,
tired and visibly cranky from a long day, puts
away folded clothes in the bedroom next to
the bathroom.)
BELLA
Uggghhhhh!!!!!
MOTHER
Bella, are you alright?
BELLA
Yes, mom. It. It. It hurts.
MOTHER
Take a deep breath, Bella. It'll help.
BELLA
(Quietly)
Okay.
MOTHER
Did that help?
BELLA
(Overlapping)
Oh my God! Mom, come here! Come quick!
MOTHER
(Rushing over)
Bella, what is it? Is everything okay?
BELLA
(Bella stares directly into toilet bowl,
amazed and in awe of what she sees.)
It's a family mom! Look, a family! I think they're having a party, look at all of them!
BELLA
(Bella inquisitively stares a little bit longer
and notices something that catches her
eye. Mother watches closely.)
Holy canoli mom. Look! Look! They're not having a party mom, they're watching a movie! With popcorn! Popcorn Mom! Look! Corn!
MOTHER
(Trying to hold back laughter,
she clears her throat, begins to speak.)
Why yes Bella, it sure does look like a family movie night, huh?
(Blackout.)
ROFL. Oh Gina. Movie night will never be the same.
ReplyDeleteand with that, i tell you, is EXACTLY why i'm birthing more babies. outstanding.
ReplyDeletedoes she watch dr. oz? he's fascinated with what poop looks like too.
gina.
ReplyDeletei am in barnes and noble. i am supposed to be editing. i am not supposed to be making a royal fool of myself laughing (with headphones on) at this table by myself.
oh. my. gosh.
you're hilarious.
I love that girl so much... and she is her Mother's daughter, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!
ReplyDeleteI kid you not...about 15 minutes after reading this my little 3 year old screams out..."I gotta poop!"
ReplyDeleteAlright, we go in, she does her thing, hops off and looks into the toilet and screams...
"Mom! It's a giant! A GIANT poop!" Then she runs off singing, "I'm a giant poop", a giant poop, etc....and her little song ended up being a giant one and lasted about 8 minutes!
Just wish I was 3 years old again so I could think my poop was so fascinating!
Gina I recently changed from saying "drop the kids off at the pool" to "dropping the Sox off at Fenway" I know when you saw Sox you thought I was gonna say Commiskey...but I didn't. Gina...your poop humor never disappoints and now we know it will continue for another generation.
ReplyDeletespeaking of bathroom humor, I think I peed my pants a little while reading this! (tmi?)
ReplyDeleteToo funny! (Harry pooped the Roundup Gang today, so yeah.)
ReplyDelete