I tried convincing her to be homeschooled-it didn't work.

"How much fun are YOU having today, Mom?" screamed Bella, rather loudly from the bathroom stall next to mine. Ya know, she's old enough to go without me now, in her own stall with her own toilet seat cover, which is exactly how she sounds when she says it to me, like a teenager!! Normally, I might high-five this independent streak, but not today.

"So much fun Bella," I responded a little quieter since I knew everyone in this mall bathroom must be listening to us right now.

"Well, I'm having one hundred-thousand-percent fun today Mom!" I smiled and teared up right there in the public bathroom. She and I were on a shopping date, for new school clothes and new shoes. The entire time I walked around holding her hand I was in shock, wondering when did she get so tall? We tried on new shoes, and somehow-somewhere in the past month her foot decided to grow a size. What? Now? How dare it! I stared at the shoe attendant in disbelief. Not that I wasn't willing to go up a size but that the truth was harder for me to swallow. Yet another sign of her impending growth which made this day, the day before her 1st grade, harder than normal.

She picked out her "1st grade 1st day" dress and twirled around the dressing room with the hugest grin. All I could do is smile back at her. I couldn't help thinking that one day I'll be sitting in the same seat watching her twirl in a prom dress or even further down the line, twirl around in a wedding dress. And probably feel the same sort of emotion, on a much grander scale-yes, but the feeling will still be the same--this tugging emotion of both happiness and excitement and sadness to see this last stage pass.

This is motherhood. 


She woke this morning three hours before the bus was to arrive. And brushed her hair and teeth in record time. Excited? You betcha!

We made our celebratory 1st grade pancakes.

We packed her lunch (in her fancy bento) which she had planned out for months.

And as a family, we all helped hoist up her heavy backpack.
With the weight of every school supply imaginable, she smiled so confidently.

And just like that, she left me again...

Happy-Sad, 1st Day of 1st Grade, Bella.