Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The life and times of Daria, the hermaphraditic tadpole.

Bella loves frogs. There's something about them that fascinates her. So for her 3rd birthday her Nana and Papa bought her a brand new frog home. A plastic terrareum that if it were up to me, I'd gladly chuck over the roof of a 10 story building. You see, the terrareum and I are fighting right now.

We started very cordial with one another. But the more I learned about the terrareum the more I grew to dislike it. For example, included with it was a coupon for a free tadpole. Sweet. It's free. Oh wait, $8 for shipping. Sucka. And to boot it takes like 6 weeks to arrive. Are you kidding me? Bella has about a 3.5 minute atttention span---clearly 6 weeks is unacceptable. So, Bella and I took a trip to the local pet store to purchase ourselves a new tadpole. Since my tadpole knowedge, is, oh I dunno, NILCH--I trusted the shopkeeper who put a rather large tadpole in a ziplock bag and handed me some food. I mean, if I can remember to feed two children and a dog--then I can handle this rather large tadpole, right?

As we drove home Bella and I had a very in-depth conversation about what she intended to name her new friend. The conversation continued as we unloaded out of the car and it continued on our way into the house, continued as I poured the distilled water into the terrareum and continued as I mopped up the distilled water that freakin' spilled all over the floor. "Sweet Jesus Bella--Lucy, Taddy, Frogger are all great names, now ski-daddle as I try to clean up this mess!" You see, the water spilled everwhere because the terrareum is only 2 inches deep! Two inches! I quickly checked the ziplock to make sure he didn't sell me a baby alligator because there is no way this RATHER LARGE tadpole was going to fit! But Bella was so excited. And she's so cute when she's excited. I had no other choice than to put the rather large tadpole in the rather small terrareum.

When I woke up the next morning the tadpole started to look a little pale. Crap. Terrible mother. The poor tadpole had no where to go, I mean it could barely even turn around. Stupid terrareum. Something had to be done. I knew I had to make the transfer and ugh I hate touching aquarium water! Just as I was wrangling the tadpole into an old flower vase trying my best to avoid Animal Cops from barging down my door, Bella comes running in to inform me that she has a name for her tadpole.


At first, I thought it was her adorable lack of enunciation in which she actually meant to say Dora. Like the show. But, oh no, I was soon corrected that her tadpole was not Dora. It was Daria. She went on. She explained that when Daria changes into a frog she's going to name him Danny. After laughing out loud I told her that I thought it was perfect. I think Daria would like nothing more than to grow a set of balls with her set of legs. Here is Daria. In a vase. On my dining room table.

How about an aerial view?

Apparently, Daria should be morphing into Danny in the next month, if the little trooper can hang on that long. On one hand, it's kinda cool to watch Bella watch this thing grow. She's genuinely excited about it. On the other hand, it's utterly repulsive that this protogynous cesspool has become my springtime centerpiece. Ciao for now.

1 comment:

  1. now that was an entertaining read! love it. love the name, too-



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